the art of listening,Listening is a very important skill nowadays but also one forgotten. In conversation we’re often so preoccupied with what we’re going to say next that we don’t actually listen to what the other is saying. At the same time we like every conversation to center around ourselves so we end up with with constantly talking about ourselves without having a clue as to what the other is talking about. Sound familiar?
As if that isn’t enough we tend to talk to much in order to get attention. There is a clue to the ratio of talking and listening that’s provided by our body: we have two ears, but only one mouth. You can use this to your advantage. Often the best talks people have are the talks where they get enough space to talk about themselves. You – now knowing this – can give the other all the room they want and listen carefully. Be sure to really listen and ask further questions about what the other is saying. This kind of attention has a profound effect on people. People walk away from the conversation saying it was a great talk. (And all that happened was them talking about themselves!) You can almost “make” people like you by asking about how they are doing and really caring about what they have to say. Don’t use such a chance to get to talk about yourself, really care about what they have to say and ask questions.
Develop your listening skills and try and stay more in the background sometimes. Although you won’t be able to talk about yourself you will have made a great impression on the one you talked with. More likely than not they will now think of you as a great person.
Get out there these next few days and give it a try. Actually listen to the other and forget about talking about yourself. Notice any differences? Please tell me all about your experiences
Christiaan,
I am currently listening to “The 8th Habit” by Steven Covey. In it he tells of the American Indian’s talking stick. While someone is holding the stick you are to do nothing but listen or ask a clarifying question. You must understand what the person is saying before you can get the stick and begin to talk. It is a good reminder to not talk and give our attention to the person we are listening to. If we genuinely care about the person we are conversing with we will listen and not talk when they are talking. Great post.
Excellent post, Christiaan. Listening is something I talk about very regularly in my blog. You touch on the best part about listening – besides being extremely instructive, it’s a sure-fire way to win your friends’ respect.
I like this idea, I might even use this in real life some time. Thanks!
Just imagine that, a classroom or boardroom.. and only one stick. I think the amount of info actually transfered would be staggering.