Today I’d like to address a huge issue I’ve been fighting with all my life. A problem that through reading other blogs and talking to people seems to be a quite common problem: Not having the guts to take responsibility. I’m responsible for my own life, my own happiness and my own accomplishments in this life right? But I keep waiting for others to solve issues for me.
Take the Project Mojave for instance, now that I’ve found a probably viable niche I haven’t done anything to further the development. I’m scared shitless of the unknown and somehow the act of being in the project seems by itself a guarantee to success. (“If you do these simple steps you’ll get there”).. So I hang around and wait for the steps to happen. Laying responsibility outside myself. If I don’t do anything, nothing will happen. So I need to reclaim the responsibility.
I’m not making much sense here so let me try it from a different angle.
Playing the Blues
Beginning guitar players are constantly looking to buy a better guitar and amplifier. As if just the act of owning such a “perfect” instrument will make them a better player. “If only I can buy such and such… I’ll be so much better at it.” Likewise with gaming mice, running shoes, backpacks, Project Mojave. Maybe their hero is using a certain item and now they must have that thing too, being convinced that owning this item will instantly transform them. Of course the marketing divisions realize this and churn out “signature” items all the time. (Especially true in the guitar market.)
So it is with me and Project Mojave at the moment. There mere act of being in there should earn me money and my freedom. (Or so my subconscious is trying to convince me at all times, so I don’t have to actually do anything.) We shall not discuss the fact that I own several guitars and a stack of perfectly good books that -if I ever do more than just own them and really start to work though them- will make me quite proficient on a guitar.
Realizing you’re stuck in these patterns is the first step towards dealing with them. But how do you deal with them. This is where my problem is at. I don’t have a clue on how to deal with this issue other than to write about it and hope for an external ass kicking. As I’m writing this I also realize that the ass kicking should come from the inside. I should be angry at myself or disappointed or something, beating myself up about it.
Beating yourself up as reward
But that’s not going to be very fruitful. Beating yourself up about something won’t make you want to do it more right? I should reward myself for the things that I am doing, creating a positive feeling associated with those things I want to be doing.
So here is how I’m going to deal with the issue:
- Write this blog post and let you know that I have this problem
- See whatever external virtual ass kicking this brings (and perhaps some useful suggestions)
- Make an inventory of all the things I want to accomplish
- Define them according to “SMART”
- Break everything down to manageable steps. (I think this is the most important step)
- Schedule these small steps. (Using google calender)
- Doing the small steps and reporting back
- Looking for people who can help me with this. (I’ve already found someone who is going to help me get through those guitar books.)
If we boil that down a bit we can make this list usable by everyone:
- Commit by telling others
- Get their reactions
- Inventory goals
- Define goals through “SMART”
- Break down into manageable steps
- Schedule small steps
- Doing the steps and reporting back
- Find people to help with the steps
Well, there you have it. My eight step plan to claiming responsibility over my own life. Now to make the inventory… and celebrate every step of the way.
forget the inventory
forget definitions
forget breaking down
forget scheduling
you already know all that stuff so well that it’s boring you to death.
do something, then do something again
like counting one’s breath
just keep doing what you need to do
Consider your virtual ass kicked!
I just returned from vacation and this is just what I needed. It has been really difficult to get myself moving on anything productive. You are right in that we are the only ones that can claim responsibility for our actions. If I didn’t do something because of something/someone else, because of….etc. No matter what it is, it always begins the same way, “I didn’t/couldn’t, because”.
It is true that outside influences, and people that are beyond our control interfere, but ultimately the final result begins and ends with each of us, the “I”.
THANK YOU!
I know what needs to be done indeed, be it one step, one breath or one “something”
Well, you’ve outlined an excellent plan of attack, Christiaan!
I do tend to think that if we avoid tasks, it’s either because: 1) we have a natural phobia about beginning anything or 2) we’re actually totally bored by the prospect.
In the first case, your list will work. In the second, you’re probably in the wrong biz.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Christiaan,
We are all in the same situation to some degree or another. The reason we procrastinate is partly because change is scary, but mostly because we know how much hard work there is ahead.
Buying new gear, trying a new productivity system or even cleaning our desks one more time, is just a another way to justify the procrastination.
It helps me to remember that I am not the only one with fears and uncertainty. Everyone else also has the some problems, but the successful ones are still willing to do the work. I just try to do one or two major things every day and forget all the complicated to-do lists and planning.
Reward your self for getting one key task done every day. Do that key task before you check your email, play guitar, browse the internet, etc.
Quit screwing around and get to work! :-)
Though I am a queen of procrastination, here are a few clichéd things that have helped, whenever I have managed to overcome it .
1. Reward yourself, keeping the best for last ..
( dont touch the desert until you have finished the obnoxious looking green healthy stuff on your plate)
2.Do one thing everyday for a short while, that will take you out of your comfort zone .(You can always jump back into your comfort zone but will often find you have expanded it)
3. Zero drafting: remember your last successful presentation and how you started preparing for it , having no clue where to begin .
4.Involve friends,relatives,colleagues, kids…turn it into a crazy, fun thing. Joke about it everyday.
5. STOP – being perfect.
(There. things we already know :P)
All the best :)