My way is the best way!
I’m sure somehow the title got your attention. How often is this true for something we do. Even in the face of better ways we stick to our old ways. A little while ago I had a discussion about being annoyed with other people, even when those people were no longer there. You know how that goes… Someone in the street decides to block your path with their baby stroller and cause a small traffic jam. Half a block later you’re still silently cursing the woman (or man, who says men can’t walk with a stroller) for being in your way.
Well, the person I was with has this habit of complaining about such things. People who don’t go aside, are rude or otherwise annoying. Public places are hell for him because of all the annoying people.
There was a major difference in how we dealt with the situation. He was constantly agitated and on edge, ready to snap a quick comment at just about anyone “annoying”. Most of the times he did make a comment I was left wondering what it was about. Only after asking did I realize his thoughts were still half a block in the past.
As much as I tried however, I didn’t manage to get this clear to him. Why be agitated about such things, they won’t change and all you end up doing is winding yourself up. Not to mention getting on my nerves because of the constant complaining about other people.
Human mirrors
But you see, somehow the habits we don’t like in others are actually the habits we don’t like in ourselves. Other humans are mirrors to us. It made me realize just how much I complain about other people. People who slack (in a bad way Carl…), people who don’t take things seriously that are important to me, people who waste money buying useless things, people who smoke in my vicinity. What’s more, I slack, I don’t take things seriously all the time, I sometimes waste money, and.. no, I don’t smoke.
And still I believe that how I do things is more often than not the best way of doing it. I couldn’t be further from the truth!
In the course of our lives we find our own ways of doing thing. Ways that work for us and of which we see no need to change them. Or they are so habitual that we just don’t see them at all. It’s here that we can learn a great deal from others for they truly are mirrors to our habits.
- Get agitated because someone doesn’t clean as much as you? Maybe you’re a clean-freak.
- Get annoyed with slow walkers? Maybe you’re a fast walker and they have a normal speed.
- Are people saying things behind your back? And you’re still complaining about them to the person next to you, half a block later?
- Do you behave a certain way to get something done but when someone else does that it’s outrageous?
Well, you get the idea don’t you.
If ever you find yourself thinking “My way is the best way” or getting all wound up about something. Ask yourself, will this really matter in a week or so. Why am I letting this small thing get to me. What is this telling me about myself. And the grand finale: Is my way really the best way?
oh that is SO TRUE!
I hate whiners…. (but I still love to whine to anyone that will listen). Clutter in other’s homes makes me anxious… (but my very productive home-office is a death trap of teetering piles of useless papers).
My car has been broken into a few times over the years, and the ways I have perceived the crime each time are drastically different.
The first time, I felt “the victim” that had been violated by someone rummaging in the glove box, I felt unsafe and it was several weeks of woah and misery in my life.
Another time it was an annoying inconvenience that kept haunting me everytime I wanted to play the CD that was stolen, the anger appeared only when I was reminded of the loss. Yet another time I was temporarily annoyed at how inconciderate those jerks were for messing up my car!
And the last time it happened (many years ago now) I found it truly funny that some poor knob was desperate enough to pilfer through my crumby car-crap and even go so far as to remove my truly terrible Mastercraft Tape Deck!!! I felt more a sarcastic underlying pity that time and it affected me no more than 2 minutes….
I wonder what that all means about my human mirror?
Ha! I slack in the best way possible cause obviously what I do is the right way to do things ;)
Yes, slacking is both one of my downfalls and my strengths. I know so many people who live at a level of stress that is exceptionally foreign to me. I can’t deal with that constant on-edge and my mantra of not caring gets me through most of my stressful situations. However it can also keep me from getting things done that I should be.
Ah yes, a truly magnificent mantra Carl “We don’t care what you think!”. Somehow I do think the world would be a better place if we all stopped caring so much about what other people think and just do what we want to be doing.
Überslacker ;)
So true! The things that annoy me most about other people are often related to things that I want to change about myself.
If I get annoyed about my flatmate’s use of money it’s often because I realise (somewhere inside) that I’ve spent too much recently. When I get annoyed that he’s home late it’s because I want to be able to go out at all.
Now the spending is something under my control – I can do better next time. Unfortunately the inability to go out isn’t something I can change so I’m learning the other thing you mentioned – just letting it go. That’s hard!
I’ve noticed something about Zen and meditation and a lot of the stuff you write – that it’s simple but not easy. In the way meditation is simple – “just focus on your breathing” and “just spend 20 minutes a day” – but that’s NOT easy to do. And dealing with frustration is simple – “just let it go” – but that’s NOT easy to do. Have you written about the simple-but-not-easy yet? I’d love to see a post addressing how these things are easy to intellectually comprehend but so dammed hard and practice-needing before you can do them well!
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