How often do you complain about something? Be it the weather, another driver, a service or simple about yourself that you’re not good enough? Everpopular are curse words (when your computer crashes) and quick sarcastic remarks. You’re not alone.
It has a been a while ago, actually it was back in 2007 when the pastor of a Kansas City church told people in his congregation he wanted them to test their limits. “The one thing we can agree on, is there’s too much complaining.” according to the Rev. Will Bowen, and so he asked the group to stop complaining, criticizing, gossiping or using sarcasm for 21 days. An insane idea so far, how would you monitor something like that.
Another stroke of genius: the Reverend issued purple bracelets to those who were willing to take on the challenge. If someone caught himself complaining he was supposed to take off the bracelet and place it on the other wrist. A simple way to physically label a complaint. As soon as a wrist-swap was made, of course the counting started over. Rev. Bowen took three and a half months to reach his 21 day milestone.
The media hype
On the website www.acomplaintfreeworld.org there is a counter stating that over 6.3 million of these purple bracelets are in circulation around the world. You could say that’s a huge number, or you could realize that there are over 307 million people living in the USA alone. They also have a twitter account, with just over 400 followers. On facebook just 12,000 people like them. Looking at it that way it’s not a huge success. But that’s entirely besides the point here.
Obviously you don’t need a swank purple bracelet. You could swap your watch, a ring, the keys in your pocket or even that mala you wear around your wrist. Anything that is easy enough to do but takes enough effort to make the act of swapping something to complain about. Use your own imagination here but choose something that you can consistently, anywhere and any time.
Complaining gets you nowhere
Most of the time complaining is just a way to vent irritation about something, to let the people around you know you disagree. But does that really do anything? A quick complaint is so easy, a quick stab at something. Does it change what just happened into something that no longer irritates you? If it’s a person you complain about, that person will either still be there tomorrow (a colleague) or they won’t (a total stranger in the street).
If that person is still there tomorrow, clearly complaining won’t do you any good because you’ll still have to be in their presence for some reason. If that person is not there tomorrow (or even in five minutes from now) and is a complete stranger, all you did was let the world know what you thought. Is the world waiting to hear your negative thoughts? Or will others start complaining about you because you complain?
Likewise complaining about a failing computer won’t get it fixed, complaining about a lack of money won’t make you rich and complaining about how other people drive (you -of course- are an excellent driver) won’t change how they drive. It might just be because they are not in the same car as you. Just a thought.
Investigating self
Everybody complains, it’s a simple fact of life. Although some people complain far less than others. Complaining actually can make a difference, but only if you complain to the right people who can actually do something for you. In general other people aren’t waiting to hear you complain about something just like you don’t want to hear others complain all the time. That is, unless you have a common subject to complain about in which case you get a group of people complaining to each other about the same thing, and nobody doing anything about it.
What do you complain about and what does it do for you? Please share in the comments.
Interesting article. But I feel it’s a bit off-balance. As if you may only complain if the problem can be immediately fixed.
Let me explain. I’ve googled around a small bit, and it appears that complaining actually serves a purpose. It’s an emotional vent. By complaining, you let go of some of the pressure and powerlessness you feel in certain situations where you are not in charge, and unable to change what happens to you.
Complaining also helps you recognize the situation you are in: By saying something out loud, it becomes more real. Recognizing it makes it easier to accept and that in turn makes it easier to change the situation, or adopt a better habit.
Of course, it’s all about balance. You shouldn’t complain too much. But not complaining at all and always forcing a smile upon your face may result in suppressed negativity that has no way out. Not healthy either.
So I’d say: Try to become more aware of when you complain and make it a conscious act. In that regard, the purple bracelet experiment is a good one, because you’ll become more aware. Great practice. But don’t beat yourself up if you do complain, and remember that sometimes it’s good for you.
Another thought: Listening to someone complain can, I think, be an act of generosity. You can ease someone’s suffering by listening to their complaints. Giving someone the opportunity to vent their frustration also gives you the opportunity to learn from their experience. Why should we only be willing to listen to people’s happy stories? We learn from mistakes, even mistakes that others make.
On my reading list there is a book by Barbara Ehrenreich: Smile or Die. I came across a lecture she gave and that was illustrated by the RSA. Very entertaining, it is a plea for realism. Have a look at it: It may change the way you think about negativity. ;-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5um8QWWRvo