Mind the Beginner

How often have you heard the line “Fake it until you make it”? It’s a very common phrase used to create confidence and to make others perceive you as something you’re not. A better version of you or something. And now don’t get me started on what “better” is.

And that is exactly my problem with this. Why would you want to hide who you truly are from others? Claims of being authentic are nice and all, but why do you need to tell others you are authentic. It’s the same as me telling you I am a blogger. You have eyes don’t you? You have a brain, and you can think for yourself. I don’t need to tell you anything about me being authentic. Likewise why would you need to tell others what you are about or cover up who you really are.

Being Authentic

I could go on endlessly about authenticity but that’s exactly what I want you to stop doing. I don’t want you to fake anything or boast with all kinds of claims about who you secretly want to be. Being yourself is much more powerful because you no longer need to spend energy in pretending to be someone else you can use every bit of energy you have to good use in being who you are!

Stop faking

Who are you, and what have you done with the real you? How long have you been pretending to be someone you’re not just so people would like you or believe you. Wait a second, in order for people to believe you you have to lie to them? That is what faking it means, no matter how you look at it, it’s nothing more than a big lie. A means to an end you might say in defence. A great way to build confidence if you don’t have any yourself, or to get out of a cycle you’re in. Just pretend it’s not there right?

Reality check

Pretending is not reality, pretending is not the truth. As long as you present you will never realize what’s inside of you waiting to come out. Be authentic but do not make claims about it. Just keep your mouth shut and be who you actually are, we all have eyes and a brain, we’ll know the truth when we see it. And if we don’t, that’s our problem, not yours. Be you.

Who are you?

A strange word; knowing. Both in English and in Dutch (my native tongue) there is no word for the opposite of knowing. We just make due with something like “not-knowing,” immediately identifying it as in inferior to knowledge. It’s a simple fact of the Western world, we highly regard people with knowledge. So you’re constantly hiding the gaps in your knowledge, the things you do not know. Other words for not-knowing that are commonly used are dumb, stupid, ignorant and the list keeps going on. Not one word in the list is a simple flat “not-knowing” without the negative bias. You’re going to get one of those labels as soon as the word gets out that you don’t know. We value knowledge, not the absence of it. It’s of no use to us so there is no word for it. How stupid is that?!

The only thing I know is that I don’t know anything – Socrates

Where does knowledge come from? What is the source of knowledge, did you ever care to think about that one? Where does a painting come from, how did it start? How about this blogpost. Before it came to be, there was nothing there. A blank canvas, an empty screen with no words on it. That is what not-knowing is, total freedom to go in whatever direction you want. Once I start typing a blogpost it’s slowly taking form and the screen is getting filled. With each and every word committed to screen the possibilities become less and less. I’d have a hard time writing about speedreading in this blogpost now wouldn’t I, it would seem out of place. Now if only I had a blank screen.

Ode to the blank canvas

Freedom of thought can only be had with the blank canvas. Once you start adding stuff you’re committed and bound. These bonds are a part of every day life, you even treasure them, boasting with everything you know and keeping quiet about what you don’t. People would most certainly shun you if you confessed about not knowing. It’s a terrible state of mind to be in. Right?

By design, the modern human mind craves knowledge, especially in places where we can find none. When faced with an absence of information, we’ll make up something – we will believe and assume. This tendency appears to be universal – in every culture, some form of belief arises to fill in the lack of absolute “knowledge.” Every subculture with a set of beliefs clamors  to have the last word on the subject, claiming themselves the guardians of the Truth. Many of the different factions are willing to go to war over their inventions, but none is willing to confess that they simply don’t know what the truth is.
- Peter Ralston, The book of not knowing, 3:11

Not knowing definitely is a problem in the world these days, but why is that? Why is it that if you already filled your cup you’re applauded but if you offer an empty cup, than you’re looked down upon.

Believing or knowing, empty your cup

I’m going to give you an assignment to do:

1. Take a quiet seat somewhere and let anything and everything come to mind. There’s is a lot in your mind so expect a flood of things.
2. For all those things, ask yourself if those things are just beliefs or something you actually personally experienced. You’ll quickly discover that a lot of things you “know” are nothing more that beliefs.

Two very simple examples: The North Pole is cold and it’s hard to breathe on the summit Mt. Everest. Have you personally experienced these? No you haven’t, and still you claim to know these two statements to be true. For that matter, did you ever experience the earth not being as flat as was common belief in the Middle Ages?

These two are extremes and you can quickly recognize the belief factor. Accepting these two isn’t to hard, but getting to grips with not-knowing a lot of the things you belief is very frightening indeed. Suddenly the earth on which you built your life starts sliding, it’s not even sliding, it’s simply no longer there. *POOF* It’s hard to build a house on no-ground so the gaping hole is filled with beliefs.

A single exposed belief can cause a cascade effect that shatters your beliefs and your house falls down. Not-knowing is frightening isn’t it? But not-knowing does have one huge benefit over believing: It’s always the same, always true. It’s not going to go anywhere. And it’s your blank canvas! Shattering beliefs leaves you with the possibility to actually start experiencing and knowing. What’s worse, believing or not-knowing?

Admit it, you don’t know a fraction of what you believe you know! Empty your cup and enjoy.

A blind man left his village and followed the winding path through the forest. He was on his way to see his friend in the neighboring hamlet. After his arrival, the two friends spent many happy hours together. At last, it was time for the blind man to return to his village.

“Here,” his friend said, “it is already nightfall. Take this lantern with you.”

“Lantern? What good is a lantern to a blind man?” he asked.

“It is to avoid accidents. It will help other travelers on the narrow path see you coming.”

With this thought in mind, the blind man took the lantern; thanked his friend, and went on his way. While plodding along the meandering path, he enjoyed the cool, fragrant mist which enveloped both him and the sound of chirping crickets. However, imagine his surprise when nearly home, he suddenly collided with a huge man.

“Fool! Why don’t you watch where you’re going?” the big man shouted.

“Why didn’t you see my lantern?” asked the blind man.

“Lantern? Oh, yes, . . . Well, the candle is out!”

An interesting story, but you might wonder what the significance of it all is. Well, see the lantern as the Truth, it enlightens everything around it. All is good until the lantern gets handed down the line for the ones recieving it can’t see the lantern for what it really is. Claiming to carry the truth but it’s no longer enlightening. Is it the same latern anymore, having lost it’s function?

Exactly this is what happens all around us, we get something handed down but don’t know what it really is. We just assume it’s right (a burning lantern) and blindly we follow it, never seeing that the lantern in fact is no longer enlightening us. What’s more we tell others that it’s the lantern of Truth and hand it down to them, further and further it goes, but what is actually passed on?

Assuming that what we are being told is the truth is all around us. If we didn’t assume things teachers would have a very hard time trying to teach. All we can do is assume they are right. But should we always take it for the truth? Who says the ones teaching us know the Truth? Sometimes it’s better to experience for yourself. Nobody can teach you the taste of coffee, the pain of hitting a wall or the loss of subscribers because of a sales pitch. Some things you’ll just have to experience for yourself in order to know what is and what isn’t true.

Question what others claim to be true and experience for yourself, it truly is the best way to learn and it makes a far greater impact. The best lessens in life are learned this way.

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. “It is overfull. No more will go in!”

“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

Have you ever heard of value rigidity or conceptual rigidity? You encounter them either in yourself or in others every day of your life. It’s where your opinions and perspectives preclude you from seeing things in a new light or appreciate something new. Incapable of letting go of your cherished view of the world or some part of it you reject anything that does not fit in according to how you look upon things. Like the professor, your cup is full and you’re not inclined in the least to empty it so something new can fit in. Preconceptions rule your view, you’re stuck.

Does this sound like you? It might not, maybe it reminds you of somebody you know. Value rigidity and conceptual rigidity are the products of a closed mind. Keeping an open mind helps prevent or perhaps overcome these issues. That is, if you’re bothered by them at least. It might be that the closed mind has become a refuge, a safe haven where you feel (or that person you know feels) comfortable and getting out of that safety into an uncertain world would be terrifying.

In Pirsig’s “Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance” The story is presented of the old South Indian monkey trap as an illustration of value rigidity. The trap consists of a coconut or small box with a hole that is bog enough for the monkey’s open flexible hand to fit through, but to small for his clenched fist. The trap is baited with whatever food it is the monkey would find appealing and the trap is fastened to a tree or stake. Of course the monkey has no problems with getting his furry little hand into the hole and grab the food, but getting that clenched fist out, well, let’s just say we now have a very confused and frustrated monkey with his hand stuck in a hole. The obvious solution to the Homo Sapiens monkeybrain would be to let go of the food for the moment and find another way. Evolution wasn’t to kind on our little furry friend though and he just can’t wrap is head around it. The food in his hand is to important to let go, no matter the cost. Enter our South Indian friend, exit monkey and enter monkey stew…

Now this story might seem silly but it’s something that happens in a daily basis. Have you ever attended a class where beforehand you “knew” that it would be boring? Perhaps even an entire course that has you feeling depressed beforehand just because what you’ve been told by students who have already taken that course. In a few weeks the new semester will begin at my university and we (my fellow students and me) have already started to size up the courses, trying to figure out what to expect. Combine this with my rigid idea that I’m allergic to math and things get ugly. Especially when it turned out that there are not one, but two courses labeled “math” that I will be taking. Panic is slowly flowing into my thoughts as the semester closes in for the kill. But still I can’t let go of the old idea that math is evil. For over ten years now, my math-cup has been full. Letting go of what you think you know will allow you to experience what’s really going on. How do you know something is no good if you haven’t experienced it first hand without preconceptions?

The first step in dealing with rigidity is awareness. I hope you saw that one coming a mile away as it’s the first step in solving just about any problem out there. You can’t solve a problem if you don’t know it’s there, obviously. To expand solutions to these issues, you have to expand conceptual boundaries. Sometimes the expansion of conceptual boundaries requires reducing value rigidity. Narrow-mindedness might stop you from seeing the solution because it’s outside of your current views. You know value rigidity or conceptual rigidity is present when you hear something or read something that sets off a mental alarm and you feel your mind racing, picking up arms and getting ready to brawl. Now you actually have a choice right at that moment – if you are aware of your mind getting ready – either you let your mind run wild, or you let yourself relax and examine what it is that set off the alarm. Examine it without prejudging.

No expectations, no preconceptions, no rigidity. The open mind is supple and alert, ready for anything because anything can happen. The closed mind is rigid, tense and brittle refusing to acknowledge things that can happen that are outside the box.

Sitting there attending a lecture my mind starts to wander. Thoughts go all over the place and I think of anything but what is going on right here. Right now…

Does that sound familiar? If you’ve ever attended a lecture where the lecturer just wasn’t connecting with you I’m sure you can relate. Being in two places at one time or two times in one place is a constantly recurring problem that distracts our attentions to the here and now. We think about what we have to do after this lecture, or some place we’d rather be. This last thing is so important to us humans that we even have a word for the feeling of wanting to be anywhere else but here: boredom.

While you were reading this section of the blogpost, was that all you were doing or was your mid wandering a bit and were you still thinking about those few very boring lectures where you literally fell asleep and dreaming of coffee.

A good lecturer has the skills to keep you right there and then. One of my teachers in particular has this down to an art-from although he doesn’t believe so himself. What sets him apart from the others is that he doesn’t use powerpoint and a beamer to give his lecture. Blackboard after blackboard gets filled with usefulness and you better write it all down because you know you will need it on your exams. Other teachers use powerpoints so there is no essential need to write things down. After all, the slides will become available online after the lecture. Soon the mind starts wandering because the opportunity is there. Nothing is growing in front of you, it’s just instantly there and complete, no need to think, let alone trying to understand where things are going.

In short, your energy is constantly being divided between the present and some other time. The Zen solution to time-place dissonance, and all other problems related to, like anxiety and worry, is simple: Do only what you are doing in the present. Brilliantly simple and yet so hard to do. Maybe if we put it in other words: “Thought for today: No matter where you go, there you are.” A simple truth and something that has resulted in life-long studies and constant attempts of reaching this state. Sometimes also called mindfulness, a very popular phrase these days.

The quiet open mind

Going back to that lecture and boredom. You’re sitting there in that bench and there is no place you can go right? You have to be there, it’s either compulsory or you convinced yourself somewhere in the past that you needed to walk in to this classroom and attend this lecture. So there you are, craving coffee perhaps and desperately letting your mind wander. How about this thought: “As long as you have to be there, be there!” Think about that one next time your mind starts to wander.

An open, quiet mind approaching the task at hand enthusiastically. Knowing that whatever the task, you need to stick with it until it is done. The doing is more important than what gets done. After all, there is always more to be done so if you get your satisfaction from getting it done you will constantly struggle for the next fix. If you get your fix from the doing, your fix can be almost constant, only the finishing of the task gets in the way but shortly after you get to do something else. What bliss.

You get the most out of things if you actually are there while doing them. A fantasy or a dream of course will not give you that same satisfaction. But the trap of fantasy and dream is all to easy to slip in to, especially if you’re bored – that is – your mind is screaming it doesn’t want to be in this place you are right now.

It’s especially hard to stay focused if something goes wrong while you’re focused. A huge programming error that forces you to discard the code you wrote in the last two hours and start fresh. (although I doubt you’ll feel refreshed.) It will leave you with a reluctance to put in another two hours. What if you make another mistake and need to discard the code again.

Making mistakes and having hours of work reduced to uselessness is a fact of life. Everybody has that problem. It’s what you do when that happens that’s the interesting part. Do you give up and start daydreaming? Or do you realize that the task at hand is yours and you can get great pleasure from the doing. A programming error sucks, most definitely. But the act of programming itself (if you enjoy such things) is something to be enjoyed.

No matter where you go, there you are
No matter what you do, do it the best way you can
It’s not like you have anything else to do right now

In a post a while back I started with the quote:

Those who know do not speak;

Those who speak do not know.

Shunryu Suzuki, a Soto-zenpriest who lived in San fransisco in the 1960’s elaborated this one a bit further when his pupils were asking about this.

You are all enlightened until you open your mouth

Well, so far so good. What’s the problem with talking you might ask, the biggest problem is that we’re all full of shit and talking about just about anything will only make things worse because we can’t seem to properly convey what it is we are thinking. So indeed, we are enlightened (or at least seem that way) until we start speaking. And the longer we speak the bigger the hole we dig for ourselves for sooner or later people will catch on and realize we’re full of it.

The hammer leads the way

Going through life trying to convince others that you’re right or you know the path to enlightenment isn’t the way to go. The best way (at least according to Zen) is to lead by example and above all, to shut up about it as the words simply won’t get the message across…

..If you doubt this try the following simple experiment:

- Read this sentence: “I just got hit in the head with a hammer and it hurts”

-Now do the following: Hit yourself in the head with a hammer, does it hurt?

A world of difference I should hope.

Reading about something or talking about it isn’t the same as “it”. Truly those who know do not speak for trying to capture something in words will fail.

So keep your mouth closed, and at least pretend you know. An outsider won’t see the difference. But as soon as you start talking you’re doomed.

On the other hand, there are so many bloggers out there who are leading the way. The biggest problem being the only way they can tell you what they are doing is by “talking” (typing) so you can follow them. It’s a flawed system that ultimately will always leave gaps in experience. That’s perfectly alright though, as long as you realize this.

You’re all enlightened, now keep quite!

…the power of silence.

I’m currently reading Alan Watts’ The way of zen and in the preface I came across a very nice idea on the difference between zen and western thinking:

I can not represent myself as a scientifically objective academician, for – with respect to Zen – this seems like studying birdsong in a collection of stuffed nightingales.

Alan describes his attempt to study Zen in a Western way. In a very short version, Zen values direct experience over reading about something or other ways to try and understand. It’s a huge difference between Eastern and Western thinking. Whereas a Westerner will read about nightingales, watches videos of them, listen to recordings, study stuffed nightingales and look them up at the zoo in the hope they will sing and Easterner will more likely go directly too the zoo or -if possible- look nightingales up in the wild and just sit there enjoying their song. For he knows that reading will not make him experience birdsong.

This difference in thinking is everywhere. In Western thinking not being able to put an experience to words somehow seems a weakness. We use an abstract alphabet with which we make words (code) to describe things. The individual words don’t even look like what they want to describe. Chinese words (characters) in some way actually look like what they mean and in this way work more with images than total abstract code. A step closer to the real thing. But still, birdsong can not be written down correctly.

The more educated someone is the more he will try to capture experience in code, having fancier words to do so. The number of words an academic knows if after all far greater than someone who dropped out of highschool (in general). But it’s also harder for this academic to admit he can’t describe something accurately. He’s a master in the code but the code just doesn’t work for him. Frustrating.

There is a saying in Zen that explains this and at the same time explains why Zen is so vague to Westerners:

Those who know do not speak;

Those who speak do not know.

Zen “Masters” know this and so they don’t speak, what’s more, if they were to speak most of them just don’t have sufficient mastery over the code (English language) to express themselves. In fact, Zen isn’t all that hard at all and it’s certainly not vague. It’s just that the code is so limiting to them both in possibilities and in their mastery of it, and the Chinese (and Japanese) language work in a totally different way.

The obserant reader can now quickly say “Hey, you’re speaking… you do not know!” *points finger and laughs*

This is very true! I do not know about Zen. I’m a total novice in Zen and read just about anything I can get my hands on instead of direct experience. On the other hand I do sit in meditation every single evening and work on experiencing Being. Am I better than you? Most certainly not, truth be told you’d do better at meditating than I would for I’m hindered by everything I’ve read and now expect from meditation. I shot myself in the foot.

So here’s what you can take out of this blogpost: Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by reading about what you should be experiencing. Get out there and listen to the birds.

Every day we make choices in our life, what to drink what to eat, where to go and what to do. But those are not the choice I want to talk about here. I want to have a closer look at those other choices otherwise known as taste or value.

As soon as we value something there are things that “better” or “worse” than that thing. In short we’re constantly comparing whatever it is that crosses our path and it limits us, it limits us severely.

Picking flowers

If a flower is less beautiful than the one you saw yesterday, is it a lesser flower? How about this blogpost, how does it compare to other blogposts, not only on this blog but compared to all other blogposts out there. Do you see the limitations? We find it harder (or even impossible) to appreciate what’s in front of us because something else has a higher assigned value.

It’s impossible to stop comparing but it’s not impossible to stop choosing the one over the other. Why wait for something better that’s out there when you have something great in hand. To many opportunities go passed this way just because they don’t compare favorably to your golden standard. To much time is wasted in hunting down these golden standards when something lesser (again, an assigned value) is right in front of us.

You loose a lot of opportunities and time this way.

Letting quality slip

Am I advocating no longer chasing quality? Certainly not! Yes that newest model phone is better, even the best out there but isn’t your current model almost as good? After all, you were happy when you first got it right? The quality of what you have hasn’t changed, the assigned value changed, you choose to make something else your golden standard and now are no longer content with what you have.
It’s an ongoing cycle, the search for ever greater things and always looking to the future for opportunities when they are in fact, right under your nose this very instant.

Why hunt for the better *insert something here* when the one you have is just fine as it is.

The freedom bit

The title of this blogpost mentioned being free and so far I didn’t write about it yet. What does freedom have to do with it all. As soon as you no longer waste time you have more time on your hands to do the important stuff, there’s some freedom right there.But there is more.

As soon as we assign values like beautiful, tasty and pleasant we immediately give birth to ugly, disgusting and unpleasant for the one can not be without the other. We chose to call that flower pretty and so other flowers are lesser flowers. As a direct result the other flowers will give us less pleasure. Congratulations to us, we just cheated ourselves out of pleasure. Way to go!

Assigning value leads to a diminished capability of enjoying what’s right here, right now for you can not enjoy fully what is here if you’re thinking of a golden standard elsewhere.

And so, when you stop choosing, you gain freedom to enjoy whatever is right here.

I don’t know where I’ve read it exactly (might have been Seth’s purple cow but I’m not sure) but on the Internet if people perceive you to be an expert in something, you are an expert.

Somehow I find this very dangerous, I’ve been blogging on several topics over the past months and already I have the feeling of people somehow looking up to me. Imagine the influence a blogger has who has been blogging for years.

Take myself for instance. For all you know I might be an elderly lady living in Canada somewhere bored out of my skull and in a flash of insanity decide to impersonate a 26 year old Dutch guy who’s into zen, personal development and lifestyle design.

Think about it, all you’ve seen from me is a single photo, I’ve never done a video blogpost, no podcasts or anything. Even the few people I’ve been talking to through google talk or twitter have never seen anything else than that one picture (no wait, a second picture of me in a suit which was also the picture I used on this blog a while back) and never heard my voice or anything.

How do you know I’m “the real deal”? How do you know I’m who I say I am. For that matter, how do you know who’s real on the Internet, who’s authentic. In most cases you’re limited to blind faith, you might get proof through a video blog, more pictures or other visuals and audio but can you every be certain? This is actually a recurring theme in zen. Only through experiencing for yourself can you be sure to some extent. Reading about it, hearsay, or whatever other channels won’t do it for you. It’s part of beginner’s mind, everything is new and what’s in front of you has never before been nor will it ever be again.

How do you know it’s hard to breathe on top of Mt. Everest, have you ever been there? It’s highly plausible, but you don’t actually know do you… If you start going to college with this attitude you’re in trouble, no textbook could ever teach you something, you’d have to experience everything for yourself.

“Breaking your neck and damaging your spinal cord on the C3 level will paralyze your respiratory muscles and without an iron lung, you will die”

“yeah right, that’s what you’re claiming, but is it true?”

“Allow me to demonstrate….”

-Famous last words of a medical student

Anyone can claim just about anything on the Internet and as soon as someone believes it, it’s true all of a sudden. It’s like the guy in a white coat and a stethoscope in a commercial. Somehow people think he’s a doctor and so what he’s saying is true. Dangerous.

You can’t do anything about it, everyone can claim anything, either you believe them or you don’t. But be sensible about it, if someone has something to gain by making a certain claim alarm bells should go off at the very least.

On the other hand you could trust in the honesty of other humans.

Who’s authentic on the Internet… … I’d like to believe I am but I can’t prove it beyond the shadow of a doubt without us meeting face to face and that would be a bit impractical now wouldn’t it (Traveling isn’t good for my old Canadian bones).

Are you who you claim to be? Are you authentic? How can you prove it?

Yesterday a tweet came along in my screen I really would like to share with you:

Amazing how often when we think we’re learning, we’re really not. We’re just seeking evidence to reinforce our current beliefs – Jonathan Mead

I would like to follow this quote with another one that I’ve taken from someone I believe is one of the most honest men on the planet.

I never leaned anything that I already “knew” – Peter Ralston

Peter Ralston is a martial arts teacher and in 1978, he became the first non-Asian to win a world martial arts tournament held in the Republic of China. The reason I tell you this is exactly the same reason he took part in this tournament. People didn’t believe what he was saying so he needed to prove his point. Would you take notice to what this guy was telling you if he was just a passer by on the street?

What are Jonathan and Peter talking about here. 

A huge problem that we all suffer from. We’re stuck in our ways. Not only in the form of micro habits but also in how we feel things, react, talk and think. We percieve everything in the world through a filter that we have created ourselves, a filter that by it’s very nature hides the truth from us. 

We might think we understand something but what is there to understand about moving your body. You can’t learn a martial art by reading about it. You need to go past the filter or in other words:

The power of transforming the body lies in the experience of the body, not in our thoughts, opinions and beliefs. If we make a distinction between those two activities, we can progress towards mastery in any endeavor – Peter Ralston

What’s more, we need someone with authority to tell us we are wrong or we won’t believe it. But even in this there is a filter, who has authority in our filter? The only way to get rid of that filter is to really experience what is going on. I’ll give you an example, one that’s perfect to illustrate Peter’s teaching style:

If you have some martial arts experience you’ll probably “know” that the centre of gravity on the human body is somewhere below the navel. You can take this for the truth or you can experience it. So what Peter did was take a strong stick and together with several students he balanced on of the students on the stick in all three axis. They concluded that indeed the centre of gravity in this student was in the lower abdomen, just below the navel.

Although science has provided us with a lot of “truths”, religion has done the same and so have popular media. They all help build our filter, a filter by which we tend to see everything as wrong or right without taking the time to experience it and form our own opinnion. Those with authority (in our oppinion) lead and we follow blindly.

All to often we just want to reinforce what we already “know”. But that’s not learning now is it.