Mind the Beginner

How often do you complain about something? Be it the weather, another driver, a service or simple about yourself that you’re not good enough? Everpopular are curse words (when your computer crashes) and quick sarcastic remarks. You’re not alone.

It has a been a while ago, actually it was back in 2007 when the pastor of a Kansas City church told people in his congregation he wanted them to test their limits. “The one thing we can agree on, is there’s too much complaining.” according to the Rev. Will Bowen, and so he asked the group to stop complaining, criticizing, gossiping or using sarcasm for 21 days. An insane idea so far, how would you monitor something like that.

Another stroke of genius: the Reverend issued purple bracelets to those who were willing to take on the challenge. If someone caught himself complaining he was supposed to take off the bracelet and place it on the other wrist. A simple way to physically label a complaint. As soon as a wrist-swap was made, of course the counting started over. Rev. Bowen took three and a half months to reach his 21 day milestone.

The media hype

On the website www.acomplaintfreeworld.org there is a counter stating that over 6.3 million of these purple bracelets are in circulation around the world. You could say that’s a huge number, or you could realize that there are over 307 million people living in the USA alone. They also have a twitter account, with just over 400 followers. On facebook just 12,000 people like them. Looking at it that way it’s not a huge success. But that’s entirely besides the point here.

Obviously you don’t need a swank purple bracelet. You could swap your watch, a ring, the keys in your pocket or even that mala you wear around your wrist. Anything that is easy enough to do but takes enough effort to make the act of swapping something to complain about. Use your own imagination here but choose something that you can consistently, anywhere and any time.

Complaining gets you nowhere

Most of the time complaining is just a way to vent irritation about something, to let the people around you know you disagree. But does that really do anything? A quick complaint is so easy, a quick stab at something. Does it change what just happened into something that no longer irritates you? If it’s a person you complain about, that person will either still be there tomorrow (a colleague) or they won’t (a total stranger in the street).

If that person is still there tomorrow, clearly complaining won’t do you any good because you’ll still have to be in their presence for some reason. If that person is not there tomorrow (or even in five minutes from now) and is a complete stranger, all you did was let the world know what you thought. Is the world waiting to hear your negative thoughts? Or will others start complaining about you because you complain?

Likewise complaining about a failing computer won’t get it fixed, complaining about a lack of money won’t make you rich and complaining about how other people drive (you -of course- are an excellent driver) won’t change how they drive. It might just be because they are not in the same car as you. Just a thought.

Investigating self

Everybody complains, it’s a simple fact of life. Although some people complain far less than others. Complaining actually can make a difference, but only if you complain to the right people who can actually do something for you. In general other people aren’t waiting to hear you complain about something just like you don’t want to hear others complain all the time. That is, unless you have a common subject to complain about in which case you get a group of people complaining to each other about the same thing, and nobody doing anything about it.

What do you complain about and what does it do for you? Please share in the comments.

One way to get rid of clutter in your bag

After a year of keeping track of minimalism it still seems to be a trending topic on the Internet. It’s not that hard to understand why, it’s a natural extension of productivity and mindfulness. It’s the effect of being focused, a single goal in mind. There is no place for useless things if you want to reach your goal in a straight line.

When you need your wallet or your keys, do you know exactly where they are? Can you grab them without even looking? Or do you need to dig around in a huge bag crying out “It’s in here somewhere” while you turn the entire contents over on a table.

Frustrating isn’t it, when you can’t find what you are looking for. Of course you have these situations every day. That piece of paper on your desk, that file on your computer, that bill, and where did that scarp of paper go with that phone number you needed to call for a job offer.

Small problems, small solutions

You’ve seen minimalist homes like these and these before, and there are many more examples out there. What they all have in common is that “there is a place for everything and everything in it’s place”. Your car is in the driveway, your TV in the living room and your bed in the bedroom. Huge things with their own clearly defined place. The smaller things get however, the harder it seems to give them their own place.

The reason for this is that smaller things have more places they can be stored. How many places are there to store your car? You’ll be looking in the driveway or the garage. Now, how many places are there to store your keys? A smaller home, room, desk or bag will solve issues like these for you.

Reducing spaces

Minimalism is easy in theory and that’s why the solution is easy as well. Reduce the number of places those small things can hide. How, you ask? Get a smaller bag. Have fewer coats to leave your keys in. Reduce the number of folders in your computer. Best would be to reduce so far that even the smallest thing has only one or two places it can be.

If you religiously hold to those places you can find anything and everything in just a few seconds. Make it a habit (Leo is an expert in this) to put those small things in place. I’ll give you the example of my keyring: it has exactly 2 places it can be: 1: My right front pocket 2: The drawer in my desk. If it’s not in either, I’ve lost it.

Sure, a keyring can be stored in many more places but it doesn’t belong there.

Answer me these questions

To help you look at these questions:

• What is it for?
• Do you need it?
• When do you need it?
• What is it’s specific place?
• Is that place suitable? (not to small but certainly not to big!)
• What other things will be sharing that place?

And of course  ask those questions for the other times found in the last question as well. Start small and work your way up. If you find something that serves no purpose, that you don’t need. Is there a need to keep it? That of course is the last step in applying minimalism. Get rid of anything that serves no purpose. A last tip: if you do not enjoy using an item, do not keep it!

Before you read this take a look around…

Did you have a quick look around the room, your desk area and perhaps even your desktop? Is it cluttered? Are there things there that you haven’t used in 2009? Things collecting dust that somehow just keep put but have no actual use?

Seriously, is there anything there you just spotted that you didn’t use for a whole year? The obvious question to ask as soon as you spot something like that is “Why is it still here?”

At least, that’s what the minimalist would ask himself. Always striving to make things less cluttered and as an added bonus easier to keep clean and tidy. I did that very thing this weekend and it resulted in the removal of two bookcases from my room, books included. That’s 2/3 of my shelf space and of course a drastic reduction of things to dust.

To keep things from looking to empty I rearranged what was left and added a two-seat sofa. Although I live in a single room at least now I have proper seating which means that the bed (which was also my sofa) can now be used exclusively for what it’s meant. The TV is no longer easily visible when sitting at my desk and it’s impossible to watch from the bed.

What happened here is something that might seem very insignificant but actually is nothing of the sort. We humans tend to combine just about anything we do and most of the time it’s not very productive at all or at least we aren’t mindful of what we are doing:

• Eating and watching TV
• Trying to fall asleep and watching TV
• Studying behind a PC…. with Internet (social media etc.)
• Studying with the TV on
• Working and playing

Now all of those save one are things you actually don’t want to be doing to often. Very soon you’ll have the habit of eating while watching TV and don’t notice you’re emptying a whole bag of crisps. It’s just suddenly empty. I’m sure you’ve had that happen at least once. The same goes for trying to fall asleep with the TV on. Your retina keeps getting bombarded with light. A great way not to get restful asleep. Sure, most people claim they can’t sleep without the TV to “help them”. But that’s because they have a different problem: The bed is not the exclusive domain of sleep.

The Pavlovian Bed

Humans are creatures of habit and as such we associate things with one another. We get Pavlovian reactions to things. When I was young my parents didn’t allow me to have a TV in my bedroom. A very wise choice when I think back, of course at the time I couldn’t disagree more. You see, my bedroom was used for but a few things and my bed for only one. So as soon as I went to bed my body knew it was supposed to go t sleep and so triggered all the necessary responses. My eyes closed and I was asleep within 20 minutes or less. Reading wasn’t part of the sleeping ritual, or rather it was but not while having my body in a horizontal or half-seated position. Bed = sleep and nothing else.

In later years I got that TV I wanted, now I could watch TV from the comforts of my bed. How wonderful. My body disagreed of course because now it got it’s signals mixed up. Was the bed for sleeping or for watching TV? Or should it do both things at the same time, and not doing a very mindful job of either. The bed was no longer the exclusive domain of sleep.

Distractionless Internet

The same goes for your workspace, your desktop, your sofa. Is a sofa meant to be used for a quick nap? Why not use the bed for that one, at least you won’t fall asleep during the movie because sleep isn’t triggered by the sofa. Homework/studying and your RSS reader or Internet browser? Though far more subtle preferably these two shouldn’t mix either, unless you need the Internet to study. And be honest here (talking to myself) do you really need social media, IRC, music and the TV on to study? Nope, most of the time all you need is your textbook, a piece of paper to make notes, previous notes and in some cases a computer to write something. (or in my case, write code). There are but few reasons to keep connected to the Internet while studying and all of them have an inherent danger of distraction. Wikipedia for instance is a great resource to help clarify things, but it’s all to easy to become distracted and before you know it you’ll be reading about the history of bonsai trees. IRC is a great way to keep in touch with fellow students and ask questions when you are stuck. If you can use it exclusively for that purpose, brilliant. If you get sucked in to idle chatter and random uselessness, better examine what it is you had planned and if what you are doing is part of that plan.

It’s hard to keep things separated, to have a clear idea about what something is for. Is your bed the place to sleep? If your desk the place to work and your sofa the place to watch TV? Or is eating at your desk, sleeping on the sofa and watching TV from the bed the way things go.

Books and Dust Bunnies

So what do the bookcases I mentioned have to do with it? Well, the bookcases were not only holding books, there was other stuff in there too. And everything in there hadn’t been used for at least the whole of 2009 and I had the dust bunnies to prove it. Getting rid of the bookcases made room for proper seating and relocation of the TV. Now watching TV is a major time suck mind you. So what better way to notice that than to make it impossible to watch from anywhere but the designated seating.

Concluding I’d like you to have another look around for two things:

1. Are there things there that you didn’t use in 2009, if so ask yourself why they are still there.
2. Do you have designated (preferably exclusive) area’s for your most important your activities?

I challenge you: For this month, use your bed only for sleeping – if you’re not sleeping, don’t be in bed – and please do tell me about your experiences.

Last Friday I had a quick 6 tweet chat with Cath Duncan from Mineyourresources about the concepts of learning, change and discomfort. It put me on a train of thought that also brought to mind a quote I posted earlier from Leito Atreides (yes, Dune):

Without change something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken.

Cath and I agreed that when you know how your mind & body habitually reacts to change,  and don’t fear that, then change can be quite comfortable. In that case it’s called learning and the more discomfort of mind & body you can endure the more you learn.

Or in other words, wake up that sleeper, hand him a strong cup of coffee and snap to it.

Somewhere down the line learning got a bad taste to it. Learning was something you did in school and was no fun at all. The same went for reading, an activity related to learning and so it’s no fun. That you’re reading this blog tells me that you at least don’t mind reading and probably have no hard feelings against learning as well.

Learning however, is giving your mind a really hard time. All those new things it’s got to master, making sence of things that seem nonsensical on all fronts except what our higher reasoning thinks about it. But our brain does not get that. Take learning to play the guitar for instance. You know you want to make music, all your brain gets is that you’re trying to make your fingers do things it’s not used to do and it hurts your fingertips. Anyone in their right mind would not do something that they know will inflict pain or other forms of discomfort. It takes some effort to get your brain to do those things that are outside its comfort zone.

See your brain a bit like a muscle. Or rather, see it exactly like a muscle. If you use it and push it, it will get stronger. Using your brain can be done in a lot of ways of course. Take your pick:

• Learn a new language
• Play an instrument
• Go an entire day without using your dominant hand
• Try a new type of food
• Start a blog
• Read a good book
• Rearrange all the furniture in your room
• Take up caligraphy
• Install a different OS on your computer
• Break a habit
• Take up touch typing (for the pro’s: on a Dvorak or Colemak layout)
• Basically anything that will change the status quo

The status quo is the sleeper

Keep the brain awake and always find new ways to make your brain a bit uncomfortable. It can handle it and will adapt.

I’m sure somehow the title got your attention. How often is this true for something we do. Even in the face of better ways we stick to our old ways. A little while ago I had a discussion about being annoyed with other people, even when those people were no longer there. You know how that goes… Someone in the street decides to block your path with their baby stroller and cause a small traffic jam. Half a block later you’re still silently cursing the woman (or man, who says men can’t walk with a stroller) for being in your way.

Well, the person I was with has this habit of complaining about such things. People who don’t go aside, are rude or otherwise annoying. Public places are hell for him because of all the annoying people.

There was a major difference in how we dealt with the situation. He was constantly agitated and on edge, ready to snap a quick comment at just about anyone “annoying”. Most of the times he did make a comment I was left wondering what it was about. Only after asking did I realize his thoughts were still half a block in the past.

As much as I tried however, I didn’t manage to get this clear to him. Why be agitated about such things, they won’t change and all you end up doing is winding yourself up. Not to mention getting on my nerves because of the constant complaining about other people.

Human mirrors

But you see, somehow the habits we don’t like in others are actually the habits we don’t like in ourselves. Other humans are mirrors to us. It made me realize just how much I complain about other people. People who slack (in a bad way Carl…), people who don’t take things seriously that are important to me, people who waste money buying useless things, people who smoke in my vicinity. What’s more, I slack, I don’t take things seriously all the time, I sometimes waste money, and.. no, I don’t smoke.

And still I believe that how I do things is more often than not the best way of doing it. I couldn’t be further from the truth!

In the course of our lives we find our own ways of doing thing. Ways that work for us and of which we see no need to change them. Or they are so habitual that we just don’t see them at all. It’s here that we can learn a great deal from others for they truly are mirrors to our habits.

• Get agitated because someone doesn’t clean as much as you? Maybe you’re a clean-freak.
• Get annoyed with slow walkers? Maybe you’re a fast walker and they have a normal speed.
• Are people saying things behind your back? And you’re still complaining about them to the person next to you, half a block later?
• Do you behave a certain way to get something done but when someone else does that it’s outrageous?

Well, you get the idea don’t you.

If ever you find yourself thinking “My way is the best way” or getting all wound up about something. Ask yourself, will this really matter in a week or so. Why am I letting this small thing get to me. What is this telling me about myself. And the grand finale: Is my way really the best way?

Yesterday, the lottery in The Netherlands was up to a record breaking amount of money (€27 million)  to be won and it was guaranteed to be won by someone. You can imagine the frenzy. People literally bought hundreds of tickets and were already spending the money in their head. You know how that goes. “I would by a new car! No wait, two cars!” Aside from the stupidity of buying a new car as opposed to a relatively new used car is that really what’s important?

It’s well known that people who suddenly come to great riches tend do squander it just as fast. They’re not accustomed to managing money. One of the reasons few people become rich.

Even so, (almost) everybody dreams of being rich. I found a great quote on that I’d like to share with you:

“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up”
- Paul Valery

Yes, well all share that dream on one way or the other. Even those who are rich dream of being richer. It’s almost a universal truth. And yes, I dream of being wealthy too, or at least, having enough savings to be able to live comfortably from the interest. I estimate that goal to be €1,3 million in the bank at 3,5% interest. If the interest were higher (and it often is) say 5% under a million (.96) would more than do it. With relatively low risk to your savings you can generate an even higher interest rate.

See those numbers? It’s not that big now is it. Even if you don’t make a six figure income you can reach this point. It all depends on two things: Be realistic and be frugal, keep it simple and keep it safe.

Okay, now it’s time for you to laugh. Here I am, a blogger/student who’s 26. Doesn’t have a penny’s worth of savings talking about having a million in the bank. My old classmates are lawyers, engineers or otherwise already earning an income. And I’m being realistic or dreaming?

Actually, yes I’m dead serious. Chances of you winning the lottery are astronomical at best. You’re better of putting that money to some use instead of throwing it away. Let’s say you’re a typical player buying two lottery tickets every month, €5 Each and you do that for forty years, most people play their entire life. That’s €4800 spent. But with an interest of only 3.5% you could have had €10,337. An increase of 46% over all that time and very likely a better “result” than playing the lottery.

Okay, those are small numbers but there are so many things that are simply not worth what we pay for them. Most things we don’t even need. As I talked about before, the reason minimalists often have such great homes is because

• 1: They aren’t cluttered and
• 2: because they only need a few things, the few things they do buy are of good quality.

We live in a world that’s trying to convince us that quantity is all that counts. After all, we’ll buy two new cars when we win. More jewelry, more expensive watches, more bling (What a horrible word btw), more TVs, more useless clutter you “need” to show others your wealth.

It’s time to stop dreaming about those riches and come to grips with reality. You will not win the lottery. Being frugal and saving is the way to go. It’s not glamorous and it’s slow, but it’s a far better path to riches. And besides, you’ll learn a great deal about managing your money so by the time you do reach that point when you can live off the interest (a passive income)  you’ll know how to manage your money and you’ll think twice before buying a new car. Make a habit out of saving and being frugal. Eventually you’ve worked so long and hard to get where you are, you’ll take great care not to throw it all away just like that.

As you sit reading this blogpost, close your eyes for a second and feel your body. The way you are sitting now, is probably the way you always sit. Maybe hanging to one side a bit more, maybe rotating your spine in some way. Are you sitting symmetrical?

The way we sit is just one of many things that have become habits. Our lives are filled with thousands of these micro habits we normally call “it’s just the way I do that”. Every time you brush your teeth you do it roughly in the same order, with the same motions and while standing in the same pose. And how about grabbing the toothpaste, twisting off the cap, putting it back on again.

Most of these habits have developed because they seem the best way to do things. It’s perfectly okay to have these although they offer one small problem: We do things on the automatic pilot. Have you ever driven back home because you don’t know if you locked the front door you’ll know what I mean.

Everything you do, do it consciously.

A great way to jolt your brain a bit and get out of the daily grind is do everything differently. The easiest way to do this is to do everything with the other hand for a change. Immediately you have to think about every motion you make. Pick up your computer mouse and put it on the left side of your screen. Now goof around a bit and see if you can match the precision and speed you normally have with that mouse cursor.

But why do you want to get of autopilot

It’s fun Or at least, it can be fun if you let it and don’t get frustrated that things go so much slower. Do them enough and things will speed up greatly.

Your brain will benefit from it As with anything in our body the phrase “use it or loose it” also applies to our brain. It’s always a good idea to stimulate the brain and let it experience new things.

Adaptation You’ll learn more ways of doing things, maybe making for some good laughs, maybe coming in handy when your normal way of doing things doesn’t work in this specific situation.

Variation is healthy If you always sit in the same position, your back will eventually change to accommodate that posture better. You’ll probably develop a scoliosis because of it. Always carry a backpack over your right shoulder only and in a few years your back will show this habit, even if you’re not wearing the pack at that time.

The single downside as I mentioned is that things will most certainly go slower. We have fine tuned our micro habits to perfection and sometimes we’ll have spend thousands of hours during our life so far in doing things in this particular way.

I have compiled a short list of daily activities that you might want to take a closer look at to see if there are any micro habits in there:

• toweling off after taking a shower
• getting dressed
• putting on your seat belt
• turning around
• opening a door
• chewing your food
• going to the toilet
• grabbing your wallet

Now this is were zen comes in again. Zen has the deliberate practice of getting off auto pilot and being fully aware of what is going on. Everything you do, do it consciously. For the remainder of the day I would like you to give it a try. Do every little thing with deliberation, pay full attention to every movement you make. Zen goes even deeper into this claiming that every situation is new and unique. So every situation deserves it’s own way of handling it. Brushing your teeth today is not the same as yesterday. So why do it the same way? They call it beginner’s mind. Seeing everything for what it really is: totally new and unique.

You’ll probably get confused at some stage because now you’re using a different part of the brain to do these tasks. As I said, it’s a great way to jolt the brain a bit.

Have fun!

Change is all around us and there are a lot  of people writing about this subject. But what is the essence of change? In this post I would like to write about something I learned in my eduction as an exercise therapist. It’s about making a change in your life that will last. Not a simple overnight venture but true, lasting change in your habits. It comprises of seven steps that actually describe the complete process of changing behaviours and can be adapted to anything we do in our life.

Be open: You can not change anything in life if you’re not open towards it. It seems logical but think about it for a second. If you don’t like to learn languages you’ll never be open to learning one. Set aside you presumption and experience what there is to be offered. Look around, look inside yourself, is there something there you would like to change? Or are you happy with things just the way they are.

Understand: You need to understand what it is you want to do, understand what it is exactly that you want to change and how you want to tackle the process of changing. Explore the road you will be taking so you know what’s ahead of you. There will always be unforeseen events but the better you explore these the easier it gets. Watch out for paralysis by thought however. You want to understand things, but don’t overthink them.

Want: You can be open to change and understand how the change will work and what’s in store for you, but if deep down somewhere you don’t want to change the change will never come. Do you really want something or is it just another dream you’re having that you don’t really want to work for? Change always means work, hard work even. Are you up to it? Do you want to change?

Can: We need the right environment to change our behaviour. If you understand what you want but your environment won’t support your choice of change you’re still not going to change. It might also be that you’re not realistic out things. As therapist it’s sometimes hard to get people to realize that that they want, their body won’t do anymore. Honesty hurts sometimes but if your unrealistic about what you want to change you will never get there.

These last three elements are a kind of trinity. After going through these three steps, and this can happen in an order or even simultaneously we’re ready for the two final steps in changing our behaviour, our habit. The last two steps are where most people get stuck. They read tons of self-help books and on a subconscious level know what the next step is but somehow they don’t get there. This step is:

Do it: We know what to do, we know why we want it and everything is in place to start doing it. Now comes the hardest step of all. Actually doing at needs to be done to change your habits. This has to be  conscious choice and we need to support it with all our heart and mind or this is were things will go wrong quickly. We succumb to our old habits and then start beating ourselves up with thoughts about being a failure. This is a very though process, and we can use all the help we can get. Write about it in your blog, tell people about what you are doing. The more people know about what you want to change the more likely it is that you will get there. It’s something called peer pressure and it’s a very powerful motivational tool. You don’t want to let everyone down now do you? The last step in enduring change gets easier every week:

Persevere: Keep doing what you need to do, it might result in a inner struggle because we all want to keep our old habits but it’s going to get easier every single day. One day we realize that we made it through all the steps and changed our habit.

Everything we do can be deconstructed into these steps, we take it all for granted most of the time but once you sit down and think about these steps you can find out where things went wrong or what’s keeping you back in changing.

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I guess I’m on a roll here about the whole mountain metaphor. As I wrote in my last blogpost it’s all about getting the ball rolling, not only in life but in blogging as well. How do you get your blogball to go uphill? In my view there are only three essentials that can actually help you (other than shameless marketing and tweeting about your newest blogpost) to get noticed in this ever growing blogosphere:

Write great and original content Writing what is on your mind, even though it might not appeal to everyone. In a comment on my last posts  Jack Yuen told me that he is  ”more interested in reading about what goes on in a blogger’s mind than in what he has got to sell.” Well, because of this little comment I realized why I like certain blogs. The best example I can think of is Illuminated mind, Jonathan is all over the place at times and at the same time manages to keep a laser-like focus on what’s going on. His non-conformist writing style and the kicking against norms somehow has an appeal. At last, someone is honest… A great example of great and original content.

Be ruthlessly honest in your content Among other things it’s at times kicking against the norm. Don’t confuse the opinion of the majority with the truth. Some things hype for the oddest reasons. Some because the have an almost unrealistic appeal to us. Do you want to be a hype or honest? How do you manage to get a blog to go uphill when you don’t want to conform to the masses and try and sell? Well, actually there is a whole niche about non-conformity out there and just like any niche you can appeal to the readers and bloggers in that niche to notice your blog. Nobody likes a fake.

Do this one post at a time The last of these three essentials is taking things one post at a time like I’ve talked about before. You’re only human and can only do so much at the same time. Take things one step at a time and you’ll win that uphill struggle.

I could add more in this list like “keep to your niche” and “post frequently” but those are all obvious. (Just like the three essentials I just stated.) A longer list would quickly be forgotten or would loose it’s power of simplicity.

If you find the right niche for you and you apply these three essentials to your blog it wil grow, it doesn’t have a choice. It’s an uphill struggle though and you’ll have to work for it. All beginning is though and in blogging it stays tough as far as I can tell from reading the success stories of other bloggers. It’s worth it though, it’s fun to write and a kick to have other people like your writing. (I should have started blogging years ago… I didn’t know what I was missing.)

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